May 20th, 2013 02:29 p.m.
Turkey Shoot
Metro Cinema's monthly celebration of aesthetically challenged films. A live show hosted by Dave Clarke and Jeff Page (with special sarcastic guests).
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Director: Michael Lehmann
USA
1991,
100 min,
Digital
Challenged as both an action and a comedy film, _Hudson Hawk_ does feature perhaps Bruce Willis’ finest hairpiece. Defenders claim the film has been savaged by critics who don’t get the absurd sense of humour. We claim we might actually...
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Director: Kevin Reynolds
USA
1995,
135 min,
Digital
Kevin Costner sprouts gills and secretly directs this damp epic about a chap known as Mariner who spends his days sailing around a world covered entirely in … wait for it … water. A love story and adorable child float...
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Director: Neal LaBute
USA
2006,
102 min,
Digital
We heartily endorse any film that features neo-pagan women, all named Sister. Many elements, though, bring this turkey to the shooting gallery. This questionable remake of the creepy 1973 classic features one of our most unpredictable and enigmatic actors. Never...
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Director: Claudio Fragasso
USA
1990,
95 min,
Digital
OK, OK, we give! The Turkey Shoot Choir has stormed the bridge to demand _Troll 2_, the aesthetically challenged classic about a small town of human eating goblins disguised as humans. That’s right, goblins. There is not one troll in...
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Director: Simon Wincer
USA
1991,
98 min,
Digital
Mickey Rourke still resembled a human male when he paired with Don Johnson to play these titular characters. Other characters are named Virginia Slim, Jack Daniels, and Punk with Gun (although we’re pretty sure the last one is just a...
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Director: Frank Perry
USA
1981,
129 min,
Digital
This 80s camp classic features Faye “she’s my sister (slap) she’s my daughter” Dunaway as Joan Crawford, the powerful and glamorous Golden Age actress who personally destroyed the wire hanger industry. Based upon the questionably credible autobiography of Christina Crawford,...
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Director: David Hogan
USA
1996,
98 min,
Digital
Pamela Anderson Lee plays the titular character in this bizarre reboot of _Casablanca_. Set in the future of 2017, with the US fighting a Second Civil War, the plot revolves around Pamela and her breasts smuggling a pair of contact...
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Director: Joseph Sargent
USA
1987,
89 min,
Digital
Turkey Shoot icon Michael Caine returns as Hoagie Newcombe, a Bahamas airplane pilot who falls for Ellen Brody. A sweet love story, except for the great white shark that has stalked Ellen all the way from Massachusetts. Yes, it’s that...
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